"I Will Try My Best!"

                                          

Dear Bronx,

            I find myself with a new desire to start posting on this blog again. (It has been a while.) I am hopeful that maybe this will be an outlet for us to work through this new stage in our journey.  I know the road ahead is unknown and right now very scary (especially for me, as your mama), but I promise you this…NO ONE will work harder than me to keep you safe and ensure that you succeed at all you desire to accomplish in your lifetime.

            So here’s where it began…a blood test, a new allergist and LOTS of back pricks!!!!  You were such an amazing trooper through it all.  I will never forget your face when I told you, “Today you will have to do another panel of shots on your back.” It broke my heart to see the fear in your eyes as you replied, “I don’t want to do that again, Mommy!”  “I am just fine.”  After a short discussion and my best “Mommy wisdom talk I could do (while holding back tears), You bravely told me, “Ok, Mommy I will try my best!”  You were my little hero that day.  You gave me strength to be brave in the moments I wanted to be weak.   

Once the testing was finished, I wanted nothing more than for the doctors to come back and tell us…”Great News! Bronx’s allergies are GONE!”  This is what I had been praying for and hoping for since that first trip to the ER when you were one year old and had a life threatening reaction to milk for the first time.

            Unfortunately, the doctors did not present us with the information that we were hopeful for and prayed about.  Instead, we were flooded with comments like, “his allergies are much worse than we first thought.”  “We need to make sure you know how to handle this,” “You are going to need to make some major changes to your life style and household.”  Bronx has LIFE THREATENING allergies (not to be confused with intolerances) to Peanuts, Tree Nuts, Dairy, Eggs, Fish and Shellfish.  He also has highly severe allergies to Molds, cats, and dogs. 

The verdict was in.  There was nothing that Daddy or I could do to make it any different and my heart broke for you instantly.  My mind flashed forward to so many moments that are still to come for you and I instantly realized that life for you was going to be different. That I would no longer be able to be a "relaxed" mom and would constantly be concerned with the dangers lurking around each and every corner.  My sadness and even anger had nothing to do with the fact that we were going to have to change what we ate, or even the long list of house makeovers that need to be made to assist your needs. But instead my mind became captivated with things like seeing you eat at the “Peanut Free” table on the first day of Kindergarten, (will you be all alone?) not being able to fully participate in classroom parties or birthday parties, not being able to travel and visit loved ones with pets or who cook certain foods, peers not wanting you to be part of their “friend” groups because you are just too “high maintenance” for them, wondering if you would get your first kiss (and would she remember what she ate or would you remind her of your needs) if you would be able to go on vacation, or out to dinner for Prom,   participate on sports teams or go to a college super bowl party…the images just kept coming and then they stopped.  Because I knew I couldn’t go there yet.  I could let myself completely fall apart.  I looked at your innocent face, so naïve and unaware of what was taking place and remembered your brave words from earlier in the week, “Ok, Mommy I will try my best!”

            So here is my pledge to you Bronx…”I WILL TRY MY BEST!”  I will be your number one advocate.  I will work hard to make sure that people in your life know just how serious your allergies are and not to make lite of them or punish you for them.  I will research and read until there is nothing left for me to learn about, in order to make you soar in life.  I will pray each and every day that God places friends in your life that will watch over you and protect you when Mommy is not around.  I will pray for the Parents of these friends as well, that they may know the value of the presence that they will have in your life, by taking the time to learn about your allergies and ensure that you are always safe under their care.  I will pray for the teachers and school staff that will educate you, that they themselves, will be educated on life threatening allergies and always make it a top priority to keep you safe at school.  I will pray for the doctors and nurses that will give you care throughout the many years to come that they are sharp with their thinking and wise with their thoughts.  That they will be part of transforming these allergies in to something better than they are now. I will pray for wisdom for the current world we live in so that people will better understand life-threatening allergies and how fast the loss of life can occur.  I will pray for the bully that someday decides he/she is going to pick on you because you are “unique”, that they may have a change of heart to choose to be your friend instead.  I will pray for your family, that we may always be your protectors, researchers, encouragers and guardian angels to keep you safe.  And most importantly I will pray for you, that God will use you as an instrument in other people's lives.  That you will never use this as a crutch or a reason to say "I can’t".  That you will be motivating to other kids that not only have life threatening allergies, but any difficult situation in their life. 

            I will pray that you try your best in all things, in every struggle and any hardship you face (yes, there will be more in your life than just this…Sorry-that is a another post).  These struggles will build your character, make you stronger, and inspire others to do the same.  You have so much to offer this world little man.  You amaze me everyday with your intelligence, humor, wit, energy, love, and enthusiasm.  I am honored beyond words to be your Mom! I will continue to pray that you will still be able to look me in the face 20, 30, 40, 50 years from now and say to me, “Mom, I will try my BEST!” to which I can hopefully respond…”We did our BEST!”

I love you to the moon and back a million times and more!

MomJ