"I Will Try My Best!"

                                          

Dear Bronx,

            I find myself with a new desire to start posting on this blog again. (It has been a while.) I am hopeful that maybe this will be an outlet for us to work through this new stage in our journey.  I know the road ahead is unknown and right now very scary (especially for me, as your mama), but I promise you this…NO ONE will work harder than me to keep you safe and ensure that you succeed at all you desire to accomplish in your lifetime.

            So here’s where it began…a blood test, a new allergist and LOTS of back pricks!!!!  You were such an amazing trooper through it all.  I will never forget your face when I told you, “Today you will have to do another panel of shots on your back.” It broke my heart to see the fear in your eyes as you replied, “I don’t want to do that again, Mommy!”  “I am just fine.”  After a short discussion and my best “Mommy wisdom talk I could do (while holding back tears), You bravely told me, “Ok, Mommy I will try my best!”  You were my little hero that day.  You gave me strength to be brave in the moments I wanted to be weak.   

Once the testing was finished, I wanted nothing more than for the doctors to come back and tell us…”Great News! Bronx’s allergies are GONE!”  This is what I had been praying for and hoping for since that first trip to the ER when you were one year old and had a life threatening reaction to milk for the first time.

            Unfortunately, the doctors did not present us with the information that we were hopeful for and prayed about.  Instead, we were flooded with comments like, “his allergies are much worse than we first thought.”  “We need to make sure you know how to handle this,” “You are going to need to make some major changes to your life style and household.”  Bronx has LIFE THREATENING allergies (not to be confused with intolerances) to Peanuts, Tree Nuts, Dairy, Eggs, Fish and Shellfish.  He also has highly severe allergies to Molds, cats, and dogs. 

The verdict was in.  There was nothing that Daddy or I could do to make it any different and my heart broke for you instantly.  My mind flashed forward to so many moments that are still to come for you and I instantly realized that life for you was going to be different. That I would no longer be able to be a "relaxed" mom and would constantly be concerned with the dangers lurking around each and every corner.  My sadness and even anger had nothing to do with the fact that we were going to have to change what we ate, or even the long list of house makeovers that need to be made to assist your needs. But instead my mind became captivated with things like seeing you eat at the “Peanut Free” table on the first day of Kindergarten, (will you be all alone?) not being able to fully participate in classroom parties or birthday parties, not being able to travel and visit loved ones with pets or who cook certain foods, peers not wanting you to be part of their “friend” groups because you are just too “high maintenance” for them, wondering if you would get your first kiss (and would she remember what she ate or would you remind her of your needs) if you would be able to go on vacation, or out to dinner for Prom,   participate on sports teams or go to a college super bowl party…the images just kept coming and then they stopped.  Because I knew I couldn’t go there yet.  I could let myself completely fall apart.  I looked at your innocent face, so naïve and unaware of what was taking place and remembered your brave words from earlier in the week, “Ok, Mommy I will try my best!”

            So here is my pledge to you Bronx…”I WILL TRY MY BEST!”  I will be your number one advocate.  I will work hard to make sure that people in your life know just how serious your allergies are and not to make lite of them or punish you for them.  I will research and read until there is nothing left for me to learn about, in order to make you soar in life.  I will pray each and every day that God places friends in your life that will watch over you and protect you when Mommy is not around.  I will pray for the Parents of these friends as well, that they may know the value of the presence that they will have in your life, by taking the time to learn about your allergies and ensure that you are always safe under their care.  I will pray for the teachers and school staff that will educate you, that they themselves, will be educated on life threatening allergies and always make it a top priority to keep you safe at school.  I will pray for the doctors and nurses that will give you care throughout the many years to come that they are sharp with their thinking and wise with their thoughts.  That they will be part of transforming these allergies in to something better than they are now. I will pray for wisdom for the current world we live in so that people will better understand life-threatening allergies and how fast the loss of life can occur.  I will pray for the bully that someday decides he/she is going to pick on you because you are “unique”, that they may have a change of heart to choose to be your friend instead.  I will pray for your family, that we may always be your protectors, researchers, encouragers and guardian angels to keep you safe.  And most importantly I will pray for you, that God will use you as an instrument in other people's lives.  That you will never use this as a crutch or a reason to say "I can’t".  That you will be motivating to other kids that not only have life threatening allergies, but any difficult situation in their life. 

            I will pray that you try your best in all things, in every struggle and any hardship you face (yes, there will be more in your life than just this…Sorry-that is a another post).  These struggles will build your character, make you stronger, and inspire others to do the same.  You have so much to offer this world little man.  You amaze me everyday with your intelligence, humor, wit, energy, love, and enthusiasm.  I am honored beyond words to be your Mom! I will continue to pray that you will still be able to look me in the face 20, 30, 40, 50 years from now and say to me, “Mom, I will try my BEST!” to which I can hopefully respond…”We did our BEST!”

I love you to the moon and back a million times and more!

MomJ

SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE!!!!!

Dear Bronx,

It has been about a week now since you discovered the baby dolls in Averi’s room and you have played with this boy baby ever since.  It was like you had found your long lost friend the first time you saw him.  This actually is one of Mommy’s baby dolls from when she was little. :)

I am amazed how you can go from being a rough and tough little boy throwing things around and crashing your trucks into the wall to the most lovable little man ever!  Your compassion for things is truly a incredible.  I hope you always remain such a kind and caring person as you grow up.

There are many people that would probably think it is just silly to let you play with dolls, but I would tell each of them that you are preparing to the be the best daddy, uncle, cousin, brother, friend, etc., that you can possibly be.  :)  Which ever roles your chose in your life always do them to the best of your ability.  While you may not be able “choose”  all of these roles, you CAN choose to be the BEST version of you in them. :)

You probably won’t believe me someday a few years from now when I try to remind you about the love you had for this baby doll, so I was sure to include some pictures.  My favorite is the one where you are laying on the floor to give him some “extra love.”

Continue to share your love with the world buddy!  You light up my life and have the gifts to do so for some many others as well!  I love you!

Mommy

Dancing Video

Dear Bronx,

Oh Little Man, the things you do to crack me up!

I hope you always find joy in the simple things in life like jumping and falling into a pile of pillows!

I love you my Little Stunt Man!

Mommy

ZOO TRIP WITH YOUR BUDDIES

September 24th, 2012

Dear Bronx,

Today we went to the Kansas City Zoo with our friends.  You loved every minute of it.  You were most excited to see the giraffes and loved roaring at the lions.  You also enjoyed riding the train, the TRAM car, and Merry-Go-Round.

I love the pictures that captured the few short moments you spent on the Merry-Go-Round.  You are my Blue-Eyed baby.  There is so much wonder in those beautiful eyes.  You are full of intrigue and joy!  I am so blessed that I get to experience moments like this with you on a daily basis.  Continue to wonder about the world you live in, but more importantly always find the joy in the moments that God blesses you with daily.  You will forever be one of the most magnificent blessings in my life!

I love you my little zoo keeper!

Mommy

Your First 5k

September 22, 2012

Dear Bronx,

Today you ran your first 5K with your Daddy and you absolutely loved it!  I was so proud of both of my boys as they ran across the finish line in just under 30 minutes.  You kept asking your Daddy for “Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmm.”  (more, more, more)  You were not ready to stop. :)

While I am sure you won’t remember the day you crossed the finish line at your first race, I always will.  It was the second annual Kade Meyer Memorial Run.  Kade was a little boy that attended the school Mommy used to teach at and was killed way to early in his young life.  Today as a community, family and friends gathered to celebrate his life and the incredible young man he was.  As a parent, I can’t imagine the continual heartache that would accompany losing a child and it makes me hold on to you a little longer and a little tighter everyday.

You see buddy, no one can quite describe to you, as a child, just how much you mean to Daddy and I, as your parents.  In fact, I don’t think you will truly understand the unconditional love that oozes from every ounce of my being until you someday experience it for yourself.  It is a love like no other.  One that grows every day even though I don’t think it is possible to love you more than I do right now.  A love that would do ANYTHING for you!!! As your Mommy, I strive to take care of you, protect you, enrich you, and inspire you. I hope you feel the love I have for you everyday of your life.

 I loved being there to see you cross the finish line today.  I will always be your biggest supporter, cheering the loudest as you cross the finish lines through life.  

I love you my little track star!

Mommy

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things...

September 20^th, 2012

Dear Bronx,

I thought it would be fun to record some of your favorites and answer the same questions every few months to see how your interests change over time.  As you get older it will be fun to add to the questions as well.  So here are a few of your favorite things at 18 months old.

Your favorite food is:  Tyson Chicken Fries and Applesauce

 Your favorite TV show:  Preschool Prep Company: Letters, Shapes, Numbers, Colors & Sounds

Your favorite colors:  Yellow (Well-O ) & Blue (Bue)

Your favorite song: You Are My Sunshine , Snuggle Puppy, and Baby Bumble Bee

Your favorite books: Freight Train, The Sleepy Alphabet, & Ten Little Fish

Your favorite toys: Trucks, Nesting Toys, Puzzles,  Climbing Bus & Your Play Kitchen

Your favorite snack:  Pretzels, Oyster Crackers & Apples

Your favorite game: Boo! & Chase

Your favorite activities:  Bathtime, Reading Books,  Playing at the park or outside, Kindermusik, wrestling with Daddy, mimicking your sisters, & helping Mommy with housework

Your favorite words to say: Mama, Mom——my!,  Daddy, YaYe (what you have named your Aunt Alli), Yes,  Yellow (Well-O), Bear-Bear, Big Truck (Be-Ruck-Be-Ruck),  MMM-MMM for more, ball  & pleeeeezze for please.

Your favorite Signs: More, Hat, Fish & Cracker

What a fun list of favorites buddy!  I know your lists will change as you grow, but always remember it is okay to have loves and interests that differ from your friends and family.  Nurture your interests along the way and you will discover the many gifts and talents that God has blessed you with.

Love you Monkey,

Mommy

Naptime Protectors

Dear Bronx,

Today as we were getting ready for your nap I had to giggle.  We had finished reading and it was time for you to gather up your “loveys.”  At this time your “loveys” include; 2 pacifier bears that you refer to as “Bear-Bear”, 1 Pacifier Pup that you refer to as “Pup-Pup, a small stuffed giraffe, a small brown and blue blankie, a small monkey blankie and a recent attention of “BoBo,” your first Build-a-Bear puppy.  As you struggled to get them all in your small arms for cuddle time, I could not help but smile as you would drop one “lovey” and try so hard to pick it up, only to drop a different “lovey” in it’s place. 

I just sat in the rocking chair and observed your persistence and determination as you continued to drop and pick up the animals.  Finally, you looked back at me with this “Why does this keep happening look.”  I smiled, and you began walking towards me.  I thought you had given up and you were going to leave the “Bear-Bear” you had dropped on the ground, but instead you handed me “Pup-Pup” and ran back over to rescue “Bear-Bear.”  My heart melted for the love you displayed for your “Bear-Bear.”

There have been many times that I have asked myself, is it really necessary each time you would add something to your “lovey” pile?  Even wondering if I should remove some of them.  But I began to think about why you have these “loveys.”  Why are they so special to you?

They are your friends, the ones you feel safe with.  The ones that protect you, when Mommy and Daddy aren’t around.  The ones that reassure you, that you are “okay” when the lights go off at night.  How could I ever take that away from you?  And more importantly how can I always ensure you have these protectors in your life? 

I don’t mean you have to carry a stuffed animal or blankie with you wherever you go.  Instead, I want you to seek out protectors for the rest of your life.  People that will build you up and not tear you down, people who will believe in your dreams and cheer you on along the way, people that will encourage you to keep trying even if it seems like it may be impossible.  People that will make you feel safe and loved when Mommy and Daddy aren’t around.

These people will build your character and inspire you.

And in return I want you to strive to be the best protector you can be to your friends.  Stick up for them when someone is being mean, be happy for them when they succeed, help them laugh when all they want to do is cry, and be present when all they need is someone there.

You are so young, but I can already see that God has filled your heart with so much love.  Today you made sure that you had ALL your friends before we snuggled.  There was NO way you would leave one out!  Always go back Bronx and pick up that friend that may fall along the way.  You never know, they may be the friend that will someday come back and pick you up!

I love you Sunshine!!!

Mommy